Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
