Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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