im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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