sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
