so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
