How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
