I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
either way he was missing a nipple.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
