id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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