Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
