love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
