I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
third nipple confirmed
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
