well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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