living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
