one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
