Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
