I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's just so happy...and so naked.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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