i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
