Need sex. Gaining weight.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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