I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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