All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
