bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
