Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
