Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
