at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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