oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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