i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
