): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
