I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
