what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
