Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
