I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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