fuck your aforementioned shoe
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
