No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
