i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
