no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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