Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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