Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
