i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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