It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
