It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
how drunk are you?
Several
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
