It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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