just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
