remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
