At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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