im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just want nice things and good sex
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
