Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
