i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
