If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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