In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
