You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
